It’s Hard to Say Goodbye

There I was, again. I was saying goodbye, hiding behind my packed bags to shelter my red eyes. However, I could clearly see the tears surfacing in Jaygé’s eyes. It was wrong to say goodbye, I could feel the consequential pain within me, but it had to be done. I sat on my bed, back in the room I so longed to be rid of, staring at the navy blue suitcase I had failed to unpack. I had seemed to find it difficult to rid myself of the last thing that somehow reminded me of him. So, instead of wallowing in the gloomy presence I had synthesized, I headed towards the house hoping to sooth aching thoughts with a cup of black and bitter coffee.
I had wanted to escape the possible endless questions that would be presented by my grandparents, so in great haste I had my coffee and headed back to my cottage. Allowing my thoughts to drift away with the coffee, how it always seemed to remind me of happier days.
Huh? I stopped halfway between my cottage and the house. I was lost, searching for something, a place that I wanted to go but could not find. Jaygé, I heard my mind respond to my moment of delusion.
Darn it, oh thank you overactive imagination… you’ve dragged me back to tears. I scolded myself in the silence of my psyche.
The sound of a car door being shut pierced my psychotic moment, tearing me back to reality, – and the sound of my name being called?
Okay, now I’m just hallucinating – mental sigh – the pain of saying goodbye and a hint of insanity, lovely! I talked to myself, making me feel even loonier.
“Edward, there’s someone in the drive way for you…” my grandma said in a nonchalant voice said from the open doorway.
Who wants what now? I thought rolling my eyes. Honestly expecting my ex-ex…girlfriend to be there. However, what I saw shocked me to my core. Now that I think about it I might have stood there with an open mouth.

Moments later I stood on our driveway staring at him, my fiancé. He was wearing a white jersey and black jean with his purple jacket in one hand and his baby brother in the other – his mother in the Volkswagen kombi behind him. I could not help but smile, seeing the morbid spirit had fled at first sight.
“I know that this is sort of weird,” he started, “but Zach never got a chance to say goodbye.” He gestured towards the baby that clung to his one finger ending a guilty yet sweet smile…an obvious white lie.
I looked down at the tan colored paving, trying to hide the smile and red burning cheeks whilst slowly striding towards him.
“Zach said that?” I couldn’t help but ask with a chuckle.
“Well no, because he can’t speak…but I… I missed you and wanted to give you this,” he said stretching out the hand with the purple jacket, “I know its school and all, and I’ll only see you during the weekends so I brought you this to remind you of me… it has that perfume on that you like so much.” He said in a soft with a gentle smile that made my heart skip a few beats.
“I love you, you know?” I asked with a smile that is similar to that of the cat in Alice in Wonderland.
“Diddow” he said with a soft titter.
When I reached out towards the jacket he grabbed my hand, pulling me close to him, softly placing his lips on mine. The kiss electrified the air around us, making the hair on my neck stand up, leaving me with obvious goose bumps. Inside my soul started to jump around like it did every time he kissed me. It reminded me that even if we had to be apart for a week, there was no reason to be morbid for he would always be with me in some way.
When the kiss ended he gave me the jacket that still wore his scent, saying his final goodbyes for now. Even if our time together head ended abruptly I classified it as the sweetest gesture of his love.
After watching him leave I headed back to my room, this time without a mourning presence, without the coffee and without getting lost.