It has been weeks since I actually paid attention to the world around be. I'd been so lost in the ocean of eyes that enveloped me everyday that I had forgotten who I am suppose to be, and lost my soul to the world. I had become the one thing I had feared most, just another individual with no individuality.
I have been like this since the breakup - two months ago. I had lost him and he had seemingly took my soul and individuality with him. How could he have done it, more so, how could I have allowed it?
I stood in front of Cape Gate Mall waiting for the man that stole my soul, the man that hid it from me. The man wanted something today. He wanted something I had to give. He wanted the last piece of my soul. The piece that I wore on the ring finger on my right hand.
I tore my gaze away from the soul etched into the engagement ring, just to stare deeper into a heaven that seemed more tear filled than my eyes. In some way I found comfort in the fact that the angels were crying with me.
I took one look around me and noticed that I was not part of the waves of eyes that flowed into the shops today. No today I was myself again, I was the individual that tried to make others laugh and had people that cried with me - my soul was near.
A warm hand touched my shoulder, pulling me away from my thoughts, a hand that sent an all too familiar surge of electricity through my body. I turned around to face empty eyes, the eyes of my ex.
"Shall we go in?" he asked in a hoarse and emotionless voice.
All I could do to reply was give an nod and clear my throat - a clear gulp of fear and anticipation.
The mall was decorated with Christmas trees and filled with a jolly atmosphere, again I noticed that I was not a part of the current today. I was a part of a rebelling wave of miserable faces. The walk to Wimpy was the most silent and awkward venture I had ever needed to endure. However, little did I know then that the conversation that would erupt in the smoking section would force me too long for that silent and awkward trip.
"Do you have the ring?" he asked without empathy, a voice that was cold and filled with no remorse.
"Yes," I said without hesitating, lifting my right hand to gesture towards the piece of my soul I had left.
"Well, can I have it so that we can end this weirdness please?" he asked stripping his focus from my eyes and looking at the entrance, as if expecting someone to walk in.
"Please," I tried to beg but it was failed attempt - his hand was extended.
The air in Wimpy went dry, a dark and morbid atmosphere seeped through the words and clung to the walls like I use to proudly cling to his arm in front of his company at book launches.
A tear formed in the beds of my eye as I removed the ring from my finger. It would be my last tear, I made myself believe. The pain and hurt would have to be suffocated and pounded into this tear or it would have to stay cushioned in the corners of my empty body for the rest of eternity.
The ring finally came off and I placed it in his hand.
"Can I have the bill please," he asked the waiter after he had the ring and closed his hand.
I could not bare the darkness that seemed to breed within the smoke filled room. With great haste I stood up and started my way to the entrance of the shop with amazing speed. At least Spur was good for one thing, teaching you how to move fast and effectively - I thought trying to sooth my aching heart. I heard him trying to catch up and he did. He had grabbed me by my wrist with an iron grip just before I could walk out, and pulled me around to face him.
What I saw in his face was even more shocking than the heartlessness of a man that promised me an happy ever after once upon a time. It was the face of a heartless man filled with tears. He yanked my body so hard that it fell against his. Since our break up I had become frail and weak, so I had no strength to resist him. He just looked at me. In front of everyone, with tear stained eyes, all he did was stare at me. Like on the first date everyone just disappeared and it was just us.
His kiss was the most unexpected of all. It sent a jolt of white hot power surging through my body. He was and would always be the only man that could kiss me with that white hot intensity. I realized after he tore his lips from mine, paid the bill and disappeared into the ocean. Leaving me standing there, alone and filled with a million questions.
I looked up at the roof and saw a mistletoe hanging right above the place where we stood moments back - kissing.
We were under a mistletoe, just to soon. The 25th of November would be a day I could never forget. All I am left asking now, will our currents meet up again someday?
